Simply Obey

It's been an interesting few months. I have witnessed some joys and truly God's miracles with the happenings of my family and friends. I've shared in some sorrow, loss and pain with others. I feel that I am at an amazing place right now. Yes, the plan I had for my life isn't playing out like I had anticipated, but I'm learning along the way that it was never really my plan to make in the first place.

There has been a song I've listened to every work day for the past three months. You may think I'm exaggerating by saying that, but it's true. It started out being a song that had a sweet melody and now has morphed into my daily prayer. 

It's Laura Story's "Grace". It starts out by saying:

"My heart is so proud. My mind is so unfocused.
I see the things you do through me as great things I have done.
And now You gently break me, then lovingly You take me
And hold me as my Father and mold me as my Maker."

This could not be more true of this journey. I have a personality that likes knowing I've done the right things. I like recognition for the hard work I put into life, my career, relationships, etc. So pridefully, I believe I've accomplished the great things because of my own doing. I am constantly reminded that I'm made after my Creator. I am a reflection of Him. He enabled this body, with these special gifts. How silly to believe they are my own.

As I've planned my life, He is constantly gently breaking me. Allowing me to experiences consequences to my actions, teaching me how to rely on Him more. The second verse is the reason for continued pursuit of Him.

"At times I may grow weak and feel a bit discouraged,
Knowing that someone, somewhere could do a better job.
For who am I to serve You? I know I don't deserve You.
And that's the part that burns in my heart and keeps me hanging on."

It is difficult, when overwhelmed by His power, His grace and His love, to feel like I'm even worthy of being loved by Him. And I know I'm continually failing at glorifying him, loving him and obeying him like I want to. My feelings on that are best described by a message Josh gave once where he quoted an author (the name is escaping me) who said. "God I don't love you. I don't even want to love you. But I want to want to love you."  I want to be more obedient and I want to to want to give Him more of my focus.

The last verse has been my prayer, but also where I have found peace. It says:

"As I walk with You, I'm learning what Your grace really means.
The price that I could never pay was paid at Calvary.

So, instead of trying to repay You, I'm learning to simply obey You

By giving up my life to You, for all that You've given to me."

I have found it to be very difficult to remain in constant growth in my faith. There always is doubt, always a fear, always something that makes faith so challenging. So when I heard the third line, my eyes were opened to my purpose of seeking to be obedient. He's calling me to simply obey Him. 

With that, I'll leave you with the chorus. The chorus is the reminder and hope of His promise. I hope it can provide peace to you as it has for me.

"I ask you: 'how many times will you pick me up
When I keep on letting you down?
And each time I will fall short of Your glory,

How far will forgiveness abound?"
And You answer: 'My child, I love you.

And as long as you're seeking My face,

You'll walk in the power of My daily sufficient grace.'"