Excited and Anxious

I’m on the countdown. We’ll be on vacation in 16 days (Glory, Glory!) and I can’t wait. We’ve all been there, right? Planning, gearing up, getting excited for an upcoming vacation. Here are a few things I’m excited about:

Roadtripping, napping in the car, games with friends, good food, sunshine, peace, laughter, Jones the Boxer dog, seeing a pregnant friend (yay!), exploring part of one of my favorite states, water activities, the beach, cruising, good food, toes in the sand, God’s creation, swimsuits and suntans, sunsets, great food, reading (What?! If you know me, I rarely enjoy reading for pleasure.), fruity frozen drinks, sunrises, stamping my passport, feeling drained by the sun at the end of the day, seafood, experiencing a new country, growing my bond with my girlfriends, seeing community the way God intended it to be, GREAT FOOD, seeing my husband with his closest friends, walking the beach, feeling the warmth of the sun… the list could go on.

Obviously, I’m looking forward to a lot. I think about this and wonder, am I creating too much hype? Am I setting some subconscious and unrealistic expectations? Then I try to justify it and say, no, not really. Because a lot of my excitement revolves around quality time with friends, good food and relaxation in a warm and sunny place, far away from home.  I am pretty sure all of those things are going to be met on this trip.

What I know about myself is that I think about all of this. And I’m guessing some of my friends might be thinking about these things too. The difference is that most of them probably keep it in. The whole point of this blog was to provide an avenue for me to ‘verbally process’ my thoughts as that’s how I operate. So I’m not ashamed to use this tool to help me process my excitement.

In the midst of it all, I’ve realized I really need this vacation. I need this vacation because it’s going to force me to be disconnected. I’ll admit. I’m a bit anxious about that. I can’t tell you the last time I was 100% disconnected. But I think I really need a break from everything. Things aren’t bad. I’m truly blessed. But I need time to reconnect with God, reconnect with my hubster and close friends. And I intend on doing just that.

I’m excited about blogging about our trip, when it is over.  But in the meantime, I will be excited…and I will live in the moment through our vacation, soaking up every ounce of life…and sun. J

Bittersweet Weekend

This weekend was described by my sister-in-law as bittersweet and I couldn't agree more.

Each year, well for the past three years, I've hosted my family for a Mother's Day celebration. It consists of my parents, sister, brother-in-law and Godparents. We also had Adam's mom, step dad and two sisters over. We even had Adam's dad and his girlfriend over. This was such a special time. The weather was perfect. We indulged in wonderful food and had laughs over landscaping, cornhole, dogs and memories.

During our time of community and fellowship, my friend, Tony Rolli went to heaven. I learned in the early afternoon that Tony's MRI proved that he had no brain activity. The decision was made to remove him from ventilators and all other life supporting machines.

Isn't it interesting how you could be in one place, enjoying a beautiful day and beautiful company while someone else is saying their goodbyes to a loved one?

Bittersweet is a good description.

Tony was a believer and truly loved the Lord. He lived his life loving others with everything he had. I know that he ran to the arms of Jesus just as quickly as he could. But for those who love him, it is challenging to know that the big personality we all loved and laughed with won't be here any longer.

I'm grateful to witness God moving throughout this whole situation. Shortly after the accident that gave Tony injuries he couldn't overcome, his wife, Deb, shared that she had already given him up to the Lord. While she knows that it would be a hard road ahead, should he survive, she prayed for His will entirely. She was surrounded by love by so many people.  And in the midst of my tears while visiting and praying over Tony, she showed me a little crocodile toy that makes a burping sound...just to make me laugh. That's how selfless she was...even in such a trying moment.

I'm inspired. And I shouldn't expect anything different. Tony and Deb always were first to support, give back, seek help for others in need, etc. I love something that Deb said when my sister-in-law and I were visiting in the hospital. She said if she had life her way, she and Tony would have been hermits...having only a handful or two of friends. But Tony wouldn't have it that way. He was social and never met a stranger. She looks back on everything now and realizes that God prepared the way for this. Had she and Tony been hermits, she wouldn't have had the resounding support that she's had this past week. For that, she thanks Tony.

One thing I love about the business relationships I've created is the true friendship that crosses the line of business. Tony, Al Holdren and a handful of others have meant the world to me. They've always tried to help me succeed and have always made life just a little more enjoyable. As I was saying goodbye to Tony, the last time I saw him, he said, "I love ya!" I am brought to tears knowing that the last comment made to me was that he loved me.  That's a true testament to his great passion for his friends and family. When I shared that story with Adam, shortly after Tony's accident, Adam said, "Do you think that was God talking?"

I now know my answer is, "Yes" to that question. I know that God used Tony to help show His love for others. And Tony was always willing to be a vessel to let you know that you are loved.

I'm blessed to have known Tony and ask that you join me in praying for his family as they work through this extremely difficult time.

Tony Rolli