Give Love Away

I learned something this weekend. My eyes were opened to seeing something in a different way.

It started out with learning that my cousin is pregnant. (Sense a recurring theme? Apparently I haven't learned my lesson yet.) My mom called to let me know so I didn't find out via Facebook or any other way.) My mom, bless her heart, shared our struggles with my cousin so she was aware.  I have mixed feelings about this just because I don't want people to have a damper on their own joy because of our struggles. But at the same time, I appreciate my mom protecting my heart. 

So, almost immediately, I thought I should email my cousin. I wanted to let her know that I knew, let her know that it was OK (not that she needed permission, and not that she could do anything about it now.) But just to clear any concern from her mind.

This weekend, I received a response from my cousin thanking me for taking the initiative to say something. She said, "that the weight was taken off her shoulders" by me reaching out first.

I hope you can see what I saw in that. Not how huge it was for me to reach out. Not how selfless it was to sacrifice my own feelings for her joy.  But that the weight was taken off her shoulders. Not by me, though. I whole heartily believe God moved. I believe the Holy Spirit has been working on me in tremendous ways. Giving me discernment and empathy to recognize how she could feel. I received the nudge I needed to take a leap of faith and give love to my cousin, in a moment when giving love isn't what I wanted to do.

Give love. Such a simple concept. So hard to do sometimes.

And of course it's not about what we get in return. Though, the truth is that her email blessed me. Her sensitivity, her awareness and deep love for our family extended from the text of the email and wrapped it's arms around me like a perfect and warm hug. What a reward. What a blessing.

This is one of four examples (that I can recall), just from this last week of witnessing God working dynamically in those who give love. I hope I don't forget this lesson. And I pray those around me can feel God loving them just as strongly as I am right now. 

Miracles

Do you ever sit back and think "how does God do it". Really.

When you experience a miracle in life, it's pretty overwhelming right?

It's no secret Adam and I are dealing with fertility issues. I always know I'm human when I have that internal battle of selfishly wanting to start my own family vs my servant's heart of wanting to share in the joy others experience once they are pregnant. (Thankfully I don't have to do this on my own!)

But that glimpse of selfishness only lasts a short time. The truth is, when I witness miracles, such as pregnancy, how can I choose to keep playing the victim? Just because it isn't my miracle doesn't make it less important, magnificent, powerful...

I have a friend pregnant with her first child. A little boy!

Unfortunately, she and her husband had to have help with IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) in order to get pregnant. But the truth is, medicine only goes so far. Let's face it. Medicine can explain a lot of things, but it isn't 100% fool proof. Heck, if it were, there would be 100% of pregnancies for all who use IVF. And that percentage is lower than you would even imagine! (under 50%!) A bigger hand is, no must be involved...

So all of that is to say, I'm overwhelmed. Each time I learn of a pregnancy, have a loved one working through some fertility treatments and end up pregnant or simply even see a stranger with a baby bump... yes, it stings. I'm hopeful at some point it won't always sting. BUT just in the same breath I will praise Him. Because the truth is I don't understand. I don't know how He does it. But the miracle of that little one is certainly a beautiful thing. And how could I not fall down in awe?