So we had the opportunity to visit her in the hospital. I must say, I was amazed that Aunt Mac was her usual, ornery self! Between talking about her "Two-bit whore" red nail polish, how her sierra mist tasted like poop, or how when she died for a moment, she didn't see the Lord...maybe she was looking left and he was to the right... we were able to laugh, smile and hug.
Aunt Mac had a knack for off-colored humor. I loved how she would tell jokes. What I loved most, though, was her face as she laughed. She always raised an eye brow with her smile that made her face look like she was saying "Are you kidding me???" It made me smile each time.
Last Friday night (really Saturday morning) around 1am, Aunt Mac took the oxygen tube out of her nose, placed it above her head, took two breaths and passed away.
I have been thinking about that moment now for about three days. Isn't it amazing how someone knows that it's time? I think "What was she thinking pulling the tube out of her nose knowing her following breaths would be few?" "Was she scared?" "Did she have peace?" "Did she know her last breath was her last breath?"
I keep finding that I don't have and probably won't have answers to those questions. I have to find peace that Aunt Mac died with her daughter and nephew by her side. She died without pain, but very peacefully.
Where I have found joy, though, is that Aunt Mac had time to say goodbye. She really died the first evening in the hospital. But I think God knew that some of the family needed closure.
What I was not prepared for was when Adam and I were saying goodbye when we were visiting the second night. Adam was on one side of the bed, I on the other. I was rubbing her hand as we were saying how much we loved her and that we hoped she'd get some rest. She grabbed my wrist, grabbed Adam's wrist and pulled us close to her. She looked at Adam, looked at me, then looked back at Adam and said, "I love you both so very much."
Cue the tears. Seven simple words that mark a moment I will never forget. I have never in my life heard someone say that they loved me with more conviction and intention than Aunt Mac that night. Truthfully, it was like God had my heart cupped in his hands and provided the greatest overwhelming feeling I've ever felt.
I am so grateful to know Aunt Mac...to be impacted by her passion for life....to be surrounded by her love. I pray that I can somehow capture that feeling, that love, that conviction and translate it into action with the remaining time I have. I would love for God to use me in a way that smothered another human's life with love and joy the way Aunt Mac did for me last week.
We'll miss you Aunt Maxine!
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